What Are the Best Techniques for Emotional Regulation in ADHD

If you live with ADHD, you already know that emotions don’t politely knock. They tend to barge in the front door like a gust of wind, scattering papers everywhere and making it hard to think straight. Many of my clients describe emotional moments as feeling like they’re trying to hold on to a kite in a storm. One minute it’s manageable, and the next it’s yanking them off the ground.

Emotional regulation becomes even more complicated when ADHD is part of the picture because the ADHD brain feels everything more quickly and more intensely. But intensity doesn’t mean impossibility. With the right tools, and an understanding of how the nervous system works, you can learn to catch dysregulation earlier and support yourself before emotions spiral.

Let’s explore how.

Why Emotional Regulation Feels Hard with ADHD

ADHD isn’t just about distraction. It’s about difficulty with executive functioning, which includes planning, organizing, remembering what matters in the moment, and slowing down enough to make thoughtful choices. When emotions run high, the ADHD brain tends to prioritize urgency over perspective.

Think of executive functioning as the “orchestra conductor” of the brain. In a neurotypical system, the conductor calmly cues each section (thoughts, emotions, impulses) to play in harmony. But in ADHD, the conductor occasionally oversleeps, shows up late, or loses the baton. The result? The emotional section plays far too loudly, drowning out the quieter instruments that usually help you think clearly.

This is why small frustrations can feel enormous, why transitions feel jarring, and why shutting down or snapping quickly can happen before you even realize what’s unfolding.

Your Inner Traffic System

Imagine your emotional world as a busy intersection. When your nervous system is regulated, the traffic lights work in perfect timing, and everything moves safely.

But with ADHD, the lights sometimes flicker or switch too quickly. Suddenly every lane turns green at the same time: thoughts speed up, emotions accelerate, impulses surge, and nothing feels safe or predictable.

Good emotional regulation techniques don’t remove the traffic; your emotions are necessary and important! Instead, they help repair the traffic lights so your brain can direct the flow rather than be overwhelmed by it.

And one of the most helpful frameworks for understanding those “traffic lights” is polyvagal theory.

Polyvagal Theory in Simple, Useful Terms

Polyvagal theory describes how your nervous system shifts into different “states” depending on how safe or overwhelmed you feel. It helps explain why you sometimes:

• shut down
• get flooded with urgency
• feel jumpy, restless, or unable to calm down

Here’s the simplest way to understand it:

Green Zone – Regulated
 Your body feels safe. You can think clearly, communicate, and stay grounded.

Yellow Zone – Mobilized
 Your system senses stress. You might feel anxious, scattered, irritated, or overwhelmed.

Red Zone – Shutdown
 Your system becomes overloaded. You might freeze, go numb, withdraw, or feel hopeless.

ADHD makes transitions between these states happen more quickly. The goal isn’t to stay in the green zone all the time, none of us do! The goal is to notice when you’re sliding toward yellow or red earlier and support yourself before the system floods.

Techniques That Help ADHD Brains Regulate More Quickly

1. Build a Reliable “Body Check” Routine

Your nervous system often signals dysregulation long before your mind catches up. Small cues like:

• jaw tension
• shallow breathing
• racing thoughts
• a sense of urgency

…are early yellow-zone signs.

Try this: pause three times a day, even just for 20 seconds, and ask:

• Where in my body am I tense?
• Is my breathing shallow or fast?
• Do I feel rushed, irritated, or overstimulated?

This micro-check-in works like noticing the traffic light turning yellow before it becomes chaos.

2. Use Sensory Tools to Bring Your Body Back Online

Regulation begins with the body, not the mind.

Helpful tools for ADHD brains:

• Cold water on the wrists
• A weighted blanket
• Grounding with your feet flat on the floor
• Slow exhale-focused breathing
• Chewing gum or a crunchy snack for sensory input
• A warm compress over the chest or neck

Each of these techniques signals to your nervous system: You’re safe. You can settle.

3. Create an Emotional “Wind-Down Plan” for Transitions

Transitions are notoriously hard for ADHD. Even positive transitions can trigger dysregulation.

Build a simple buffer ritual:

• Set a 3-minute timer
• Shake out your hands or do 10 wall push-ups
• Take a few breaths, placing one hand on your chest
• Label what state you’re in: green, yellow, or red

This prevents you from carrying dysregulation into the next part of your day.

4. Make Accountability Part of Your Emotional Safety Net

This isn’t about shame; it’s about being caught with compassion before overwhelm peaks.

You might try:

• Asking a partner or friend to gently name your yellow-zone signs when they notice them
• Using a shared code word that signals “pause with kindness”
• Scheduling brief check-ins with a therapist or coach
• Using a journal or app that prompts you to log daily emotional patterns

Accountability works because emotional dysregulation often sneaks up on ADHD brains. When someone or something helps you notice earlier, you can respond with intention rather than react impulsively.

5. EMDR Therapy Can Strengthen Emotional Regulation at the Root

While tools help in the moment, EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) addresses the deeper patterns underneath dysregulation, particularly the ones rooted in past stress, overwhelm, or relational wounds.

Many adults with ADHD carry old messages like:

• “I’m too much.”
• “I mess everything up.”
• “I can’t handle things like other people can.”

These beliefs can magnify emotional reactions. EMDR helps reprocess those experiences so your nervous system learns that emotional waves aren’t dangerous, and you don’t have to brace for them.

When you feel safer on the inside, it becomes easier to regulate on the outside.

Final Thoughts: Emotional Regulation Is a Skill, Not a Test You’re Failing

If emotional waves feel big for you, nothing is wrong with you. Your brain simply processes stimulation quickly, intensely, and honestly. And with ADHD, those emotions often arrive before executive functioning can organize them.

But emotional regulation isn’t about “controlling” yourself; it’s about understanding the traffic system of your nervous system and learning how to guide it with compassion.

At Mindful Soul Center for Wellbeing, our therapists support adults with ADHD using trauma-informed, neuroaffirming approaches, including EMDR, to help you build confidence, steadiness, and emotional grounding.

If you’re ready to feel more in control of your inner world, we’re here to help you take the first step.