Avoiding Your ‘Stuff’: How EMDR Helps You Stop Dodging What Matters
Are You Avoiding Your Sh*t?
Let’s face it: we all have stuff we’d rather not deal with. Maybe it’s that unresolved argument, a painful memory you can’t bear to revisit, or even just the idea of therapy itself. Avoidance is a natural human response to discomfort. It’s like hitting “snooze” on your emotional alarm clock—you can ignore it for a while, but eventually, it’s going to blare louder than ever.
In EMDR therapy, avoidance isn’t a dirty word or a sign of failure. It’s just another part of the healing process. In fact, avoidance often holds the key to understanding what’s really going on under the surface. So, let’s talk about what avoidance is, how it shows up, and how EMDR can help you work with it—without judgment, shame, or defensiveness.
What is Avoidance?
Avoidance is a coping strategy we use to steer clear of emotional discomfort. Sometimes it’s intentional—like ghosting your therapist for a week because you don’t want to discuss that fight with your partner. Other times, it’s unintentional, like dissociating during a conversation about childhood or diving headfirst into overthinking to avoid feeling anything at all.
Avoidance isn’t about laziness or weakness. It’s often a protective mechanism your brain uses to shield you from pain. As Jim Knipe, a leading voice in EMDR therapy, explains, avoidance strategies can be your brain’s way of saying, “Not yet—I’m not ready to face this.”
How Avoidance Shows Up
Avoidance wears many disguises. Some of them are easy to spot, while others can be surprisingly subtle. Here are a few common ways it might appear:
- Dissociation: Zoning out, feeling numb, or detaching from the present moment when something uncomfortable arises.
- Overthinking: Getting stuck in a mental hamster wheel of “why” and “what if” instead of connecting with emotions.
- Perfectionism: Pouring energy into trying to fix yourself or others instead of addressing the deeper issues.
- Blaming Others: Shifting focus away from yourself by placing responsibility elsewhere.
- Canceling Therapy: Avoiding sessions when you sense the conversation might touch on difficult emotions.
- Caretaking Others: Focusing on everyone else’s needs while neglecting your own healing.
- Rambling in Session: Filling the time with surface-level chatter to avoid diving into significant or meaningful topics.
- Avoidance Through Busyness: Overloading your schedule to stay “too busy” for self-reflection or therapy.
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. Avoidance is a universal response to emotional discomfort—and in EMDR therapy, it’s met with compassion, not criticism.
How Avoidance Might Show Up in an EMDR Session
Avoidance doesn’t disappear just because you’ve decided to tackle your healing. In fact, it can sneak into therapy sessions in ways that might surprise you. Here’s how avoidance might show up during EMDR:
- Spacing Out During Reprocessing: While focusing on a distressing memory, you might find yourself zoning out or forgetting what target you’re working on.
- Getting Stuck on the “To-Do” List: Instead of focusing on the distressing memory, your mind might wander to everything you need to do after the session.
- Delaying EMDR Work: At the start of the session, you might spend extra time talking about your week, recounting mundane details instead of diving into the reprocessing work.
- Worrying About Overloading the Therapist: You might feel overly concerned that your “stuff” is too much for your therapist to handle, which can make you hesitant to fully engage with the work.
- Over-explaining or Rationalizing: Instead of connecting with emotions, you might catch yourself intellectualizing or trying to “figure out” your trauma rather than feeling it.
These behaviors aren’t signs of failure—they’re protective strategies. Your brain is simply trying to shield you from pain in the best way it knows how.
How EMDR Helps with Avoidance
EMDR therapy at Mindful Soul Center for Wellbeing doesn’t dive straight into the deep end of your trauma pool. Instead, it gently helps you notice and address avoidance patterns before tackling the big stuff. Here’s how:
Noticing and Naming Avoidance:
A skilled EMDR therapist will help you recognize avoidance without judgment. For example, they might say, “I notice you seem hesitant to talk about this memory. What’s coming up for you?” Simply naming avoidance can reduce its grip and make it feel less overwhelming.
Building Safety First:
Addressing avoidance often begins with creating a sense of safety in the therapeutic relationship. This might include grounding techniques, resourcing, or exercises like the Calm/Safe Place. These tools help your nervous system feel stable enough to explore the discomfort avoidance is shielding you from.
Processing the Protective Function of Avoidance:
In EMDR, avoidance isn’t “bad”—it’s a part of you trying to protect you. By exploring what avoidance is doing for you, you can approach it with curiosity rather than frustration.
Taking Small, Manageable Steps:
EMDR doesn’t force you to relive painful memories. Instead, the process moves at your pace, gradually reprocessing memories and beliefs in a way that feels manageable.
Facing Avoidance with Compassion
If you’ve been dodging your “stuff,” take a deep breath—you’re in good company. Avoidance isn’t a dead end; it’s a starting point. In EMDR, avoidance becomes something we can work with, not something to fight against.
Healing doesn’t mean forcing yourself into discomfort before you’re ready. It means building safety, noticing patterns, and gently moving toward what’s been holding you back. With the right tools, a skilled therapist, and a little curiosity, you can stop hitting snooze on your emotional alarm clock and start reclaiming your life.
So, if you’re avoiding your “stuff,” don’t worry—you’re not broken. You’re human. And in EMDR therapy, that’s more than enough.
Get Started with EMDR Therapy in Haddonfield, NJ Today
Avoidance is a natural part of the healing process. But it doesn’t have to keep you stuck. EMDR therapy at Mindful Soul Center for Wellbeing is here to help you navigate that emotional discomfort in a safe, supportive, and manageable way. With the help of EMDR therapy, you can gently face what you’ve been avoiding, learn to process and heal from past experiences, and reclaim your life.
Here’s how to get started:
- Contact us here to schedule your first EMDR session.
- Explore our blogs to learn more about how EMDR therapy can help you process trauma and break free from avoidance patterns.
- Take the first step towards healing—in EMDR, we meet you where you are, moving at your pace, and supporting you every step of the way.
Other Services at Mindful Soul Center for Wellbeing
At Mindful Soul Center for Wellbeing, we recognize that everyone’s journey is unique, and we’re here to support you at every stage of life. We offer specialized counseling for men and women, tailored to address the specific challenges each may face. Our LGBTQIA+ therapy services provide a safe, affirming space for individuals navigating identity, relationships, and societal pressures. For couples and relationships, we focus on fostering deeper connections and improving communication to help you thrive together. Our counseling for 20-somethings is designed to help individuals find clarity and confidence as they navigate this pivotal stage.
We also offer specialized counseling to support you through unique life challenges. If you’re managing anxiety and stress, navigating the complexities of divorce, or seeking culturally competent therapy that honors your background, we’re here for you. For those on the journey of parenthood, our perinatal mental health therapy provides compassionate care during pregnancy, postpartum, and beyond.
